04/03/12- Realising she is different.

Every night after her bedtime story S quizzes me on what day it is tomorrow and what she has going on etc etc. Tonight's conversation totally shocked me. 

S: What day is it tomorrow?

Me: Monday

S:Do I have school tomorrow?

Me: Yes sweetie

S: Oh...but I don't like school.

Me: I know you don't baby but you have to go t....

S; But there are too many children there

Me: I know baby but you have to go to sch...

S; but I get so nervous

Me:it's ok to get nerrvous but think of all the fun you get to have.

S: but I don't...Not like the other children do.

Me: Oh....well...you like the dinosaurs there. Those dinosaurs are so cool at school aren't they? I wish we had some as good as those ones. Do you like the dinosaurs at school?

S;Yes mummy I do. (looking very glum)

Me: You like when you go to soft play too. And you get to pick a friend to take there with you when you get your happy stamps.

S: They are not my friends. Not like they are to the other children.

I was so stumped by this I told her that is because she is special and talks about all the special things she gets to do with some of the teachers and Ann (her OT). She was a mess for sometime after this conversation. Nothing I said comforted her. She was pleading and begging me not to leave her bedroom and when I told her I had housework to do she wanted to come downstairs with me. Had to physically peel her off of me. Which in hindsight I feel bad for doing but I needed to get out of the room she she didn't see me cry. It's at times like this I realise how important it is that we get a diagnosis soon as this time would have been the perfect opportunity  to give her a name to it not just say special. My heart is so heavy for her at times like these.