My daughter doesn’t show her emotions the same as most. When she is happy she screams, when she is mad she screams, when she is excited she screams, when she is anxious she screams,when she is angry she screams and when she is sad or hurting she screams. I am slowly learning to differentiate her screams and react as best I can. No my child is not a baby she is a beautiful, clever, loveable, funny, complex 5 year old girl.
Don’t tut when I let her shriek because she is happy. Her little head is full of so much anxiety and confusion that I let her grasp happiness and feel it as intensely as possible. She does many things to soothe herself, to intensify that happy feeling, to share it with me and others that you may find inappropriate. She loves to spin herself around and around, she loves to flap her hands or twist her wrists, she loves to bump into things (including people), she loves to stoke or lick things, she loves to bury herself under piles of teddies, she loves to talk, hum, sing and giggle.
Don’t shake your head when she shouts at me. I know she looks disrespectful but small noises you may not hear can hurt her head, smells you didn’t smell can make her feel unwell and sunshine can make her eyes sore. If you were made to listen to loud music that you despised while someone shone a torch in your eyes and waved a dirty nappy under your nose how long would you keep your cool?
She cannot always control her urge to do these things and sometimes I even encourage it. You see my daughter’s brain is not wired like everyone else. There are many things children her age instinctively know, that my daughter doesn’t she has to learn them like one might learn maths. When you frown she is fascinated by the wrinkles in your forehead, she doesn’t know they mean she has displeased you, when you smile she doesn’t always see it, so may not smile back, when you step back she may move closer, she doesn’t realise she is in your space. What she has learnt already is she is not like everyone else. She knows others can handle new things better than her, she knows others often see her as a nuisance and if only you knew what that has done to her fragile little heart.
The tears you would shed if you heard the child you adore tell you ‘this world is too hard I don’t want to be in it.’ ‘I wish I was like the others.’ As a human I ask for you to find somewhere in your heart to please just let her be. Don’t tut, don’t frown, don’t shake your head. Her world is hard enough don’t judge what you don’t fully understand, give my child a chance to enjoy her life.
