Find Your Red Ball

A few days ago I overheard S talking to her nan. 'I wish I could do things like the other children. They do everything easy and I can't.' It broke my heart to hear her talking of herself as less than the other children. I spoke to her nan after S had gone to bed to find out what else had been said. S had been asked about school and the conversation was that S felt different to the other children and that she was frustrated that she couldn't do things other children in her class seemed to do with a lot more ease.

When tying to speak to S I told her Nanny had told me she felt sad about school and that she thought the other children could do things better than her. She simply replied 'yes' and her eyes started to dart around the room for something to distract from the conversation.I told her we had to talk about this and then she can do whatever she wants to. I asked S 'Do you think the other children are better because they can do new things easier.' her eyes dropped and she mumbled 'yes'. My heart was in my mouth but I kept my composure. I began to tell her that everybody has things they find hard and everyone has skills that are easier. I reminded her that her best skill was how many facts she can remember, and that I have never met anyone else with such a fantastic memory as her. I went on to show her that different people have different skills 'Mummy stays home and looks after you and E, while Daddy goes to work. Mummy would not be very good at being a security guard and Daddy wouldn't be as good as Mummy at cooking your meals and getting you ready for school and doing all the other things that Mummy does. When I was at school I was good at Maths but not good at reading and writing. Daddy was not so good at maths but very good at reading and writing. Do you see that Mummy and Daddy both have things they are good at and not so good at?' I went on to ask her if she could think of something she was good at the someone else isn't. She remembered that she had played a bowling game with her sister and was better at it than her. I agreed this was true and her sister even cheated a little.

The mention of bowling made me think and I started to speak again. 'S imagine you are bowling and you see someone throw a pink ball they knock all of the pins down. It's your turn and you decide to try the same pink ball, it feels a bit funny and then you throw it and miss all of the pins. You see a red ball and decide to try that one instead, it feels lots better and you knock every pin over with it. The pink ball is like the things you find hard and you must practice to get better at throwing the pink ball. The red ball is the things you are really good at, your skills. You have to remember that you will find lots of things like a pink ball but you must never forget how well you can do some things throwing  the red ball.