When the Future Seems Terrifying.

I have always been so proud of how intelligent S is. She is one of those children that once you engage with you can see she has the brains to go far. What happens though when something stands in the way of that potential? This is something that is becoming more and more of and ongoing worry for me. S is 5 years old she is in her second year in school. S was following her classmates progress wonderfully and even showing that beautiful intelligence  Just recently though something has stopped that progress. S appears to have just lost the ability to learn.  She clearly has fine motor difficulties and the ever increasing amount of written work is no doubt a great cause for anxiety but this is just one thing among many others, some of which even I as her mother do not fully understand.
S has always been a perfectionist. If she tries something and it isn't perfect she cannot seem to grasp that it is ok. It's not ok in her world, if she didn't do it right she has failed! That is it, a simple right or wrong. S hates to be wrong so increasingly she refuses to try. She is so scared of not meeting her own high standards that she just cannot try. This is so frustrating to everyone around her. This is also where S's intelligence becomes her worst enemy. S at 5 has become the queen of avoidance. She has one strategy that seems to send everyone reeling and leaves a huge group of adults feeling helpless and very worried for what the future holds, if they cannot find away around it. What S does is she simply shuts down. What others may see is a very different picture, it is what is making the fight for diagnosis so much harder. Before I describe what happens I want to say this is a very hard subject to write about because as a mother this is the time I feel completely helpless. I feel helpless because despite knowing that my child is in fight or flight mode (that adrenaline feeling you may get when faced with real danger), despite knowing my child's behaviour is screaming 'I cannot take any more', despite knowing this is nobodies fault and blame and judgement will only worsen things I cannot help but live the negatives. My child is out of control, my child may hurt someone, my child may lose more of her education, my child may stop learning all together, my child is suffering and I do not know how to help her. I am failing my child.

Screaming, repetitive noises, humming, growling, coughing, words that make no sense repeated again and again, giggling, 'I won't do it' 'NO' 'Shut up'. These are just some of the things you may hear. If you were to look you would see is a flash of blonde hair running back and forth, spinning around and around, people and things being crashed into, things being thrown, knocked or pulled down. You may see one or two maybe even 3 people trying to contain this whirlwind. If you watch them closely you will not see anger you will see confusion in the looks passed between them, begging each other for an answer. You may hear the odd few words but they know they cannot bargain because they will not be heard. Once that chaos stops it just stops. There is no slowing down it just stops. All is calm and you may wonder what stopped it, as too will those who were trying to contain it. What you just witnessed is my daughter shutting down. Her ability to function was totally lost, and that is exactly how she copes with the stress of things she cannot control.
That is not a 'naughty girl'. She is not wanting something in particular quite the contrary she just needed something to stop.

Recently it also become apparent S suffers from her senses not working like most and not just the 5 you learn about at school. Her proprioceptive system is not working correctly. You may not have heard that word before so I will explain briefly, a better explanation can be found here, this is the sense of where your body is in relation to the rest of the world. Think of when the dentist numbs your mouth and you poke and prod it because the sensation of numbness really bothers you, this is what S's body is going through a lot of the time. This is why she can't sit still, why she touches things, bounces and spins. She needs to feel her body is there.
Add all of this into the pot and you are left with a child so overwhelmed it is no surprise she becomes this whirlwind.

All of this and still everyone battles to understand her and we struggle to get definitive answers. Answers that could be our passport to help and a little more understanding. While I battle that helpless feeling I have to constantly tell myself that I cannot get bogged down with a multitude of worries. I cannot look to the future with despair tinted glasses, because if I do I will lose the fight. I have to take each day as it comes. Celebrate each little victory and be thankful I got through another day. I shall tonight for the first time go to sleep proud of how strong I have become and how much I have learned. Tell myself I won another battle and not allow myself to be afraid of tomorrow.

Please let her be.

My daughter doesn’t show her emotions the same as most. When she is happy she screams, when she is mad she screams, when she is excited she screams, when she is anxious she screams,when she is angry she screams and when she is sad or hurting she screams. I am slowly learning to differentiate her screams and react as best I can. No my child is not a baby she is a beautiful, clever, loveable, funny, complex 5 year old girl.

Don’t tut when I let her shriek because she is happy. Her little head is full of so much anxiety and confusion that I let her grasp happiness and feel it as intensely as possible. She does many things to soothe herself, to intensify that happy feeling, to share it with me and others that you may find inappropriate. She loves to spin herself around and around, she loves to flap her hands or twist her wrists, she loves to bump into things (including people), she loves to stoke or lick things, she loves to bury herself under piles of teddies, she loves to talk, hum, sing and giggle.

Don’t shake your head when she shouts at me. I know she looks disrespectful but small noises you may not hear can hurt her head, smells you didn’t smell can make her feel unwell and sunshine can make her eyes sore. If you were made to listen to loud music that you despised while someone shone a torch in your eyes and waved a dirty nappy under your nose how long would you keep your cool?
She cannot always control her urge to do these things and sometimes I even encourage it. You see my daughter’s brain is not wired like everyone else. There are many things children her age instinctively know, that my daughter doesn’t she has to learn them like one might learn maths. When you frown she is fascinated by the wrinkles in your forehead, she doesn’t know they mean she has displeased you, when you smile she doesn’t always see it, so may not smile back, when you step back she may move closer, she doesn’t realise she is in your space. What she has learnt already is she is not like everyone else. She knows others can handle new things better than her, she knows others often see her as a nuisance and if only you knew what that has done to her fragile little heart.
The tears you would shed if you heard the child you adore tell you ‘this world is too hard I don’t want to be in it.’ ‘I wish I was like the others.’ As a human I ask for you to find somewhere in your heart to please just let her be. Don’t tut, don’t frown, don’t shake your head. Her world is hard enough don’t judge what you don’t fully understand, give my child a chance to enjoy her life.

Find Your Red Ball

A few days ago I overheard S talking to her nan. 'I wish I could do things like the other children. They do everything easy and I can't.' It broke my heart to hear her talking of herself as less than the other children. I spoke to her nan after S had gone to bed to find out what else had been said. S had been asked about school and the conversation was that S felt different to the other children and that she was frustrated that she couldn't do things other children in her class seemed to do with a lot more ease.

When tying to speak to S I told her Nanny had told me she felt sad about school and that she thought the other children could do things better than her. She simply replied 'yes' and her eyes started to dart around the room for something to distract from the conversation.I told her we had to talk about this and then she can do whatever she wants to. I asked S 'Do you think the other children are better because they can do new things easier.' her eyes dropped and she mumbled 'yes'. My heart was in my mouth but I kept my composure. I began to tell her that everybody has things they find hard and everyone has skills that are easier. I reminded her that her best skill was how many facts she can remember, and that I have never met anyone else with such a fantastic memory as her. I went on to show her that different people have different skills 'Mummy stays home and looks after you and E, while Daddy goes to work. Mummy would not be very good at being a security guard and Daddy wouldn't be as good as Mummy at cooking your meals and getting you ready for school and doing all the other things that Mummy does. When I was at school I was good at Maths but not good at reading and writing. Daddy was not so good at maths but very good at reading and writing. Do you see that Mummy and Daddy both have things they are good at and not so good at?' I went on to ask her if she could think of something she was good at the someone else isn't. She remembered that she had played a bowling game with her sister and was better at it than her. I agreed this was true and her sister even cheated a little.

The mention of bowling made me think and I started to speak again. 'S imagine you are bowling and you see someone throw a pink ball they knock all of the pins down. It's your turn and you decide to try the same pink ball, it feels a bit funny and then you throw it and miss all of the pins. You see a red ball and decide to try that one instead, it feels lots better and you knock every pin over with it. The pink ball is like the things you find hard and you must practice to get better at throwing the pink ball. The red ball is the things you are really good at, your skills. You have to remember that you will find lots of things like a pink ball but you must never forget how well you can do some things throwing  the red ball.

First Playdate.

It appears S may be taking some small steps in the making a friend department. C is a lovely little girl in her class, she seems to see right past her more challenging interactions to the lovely girl we see. I wonder if having an older sibling with AS is what makes C more tolerating of S's less desirable behaviour. Whatever it is I am so grateful that she was put in S's class, and hope that we can coach S in holding on to this one friend.

It all started earlier this year when, close to the end of the school year, C chose S as the one child to invite to her birthday trip to a local soft play. It filled me with so much hope that despite seeing her challenging behaviour and mood swings that one child still wanted to be around S. Despite the fact that after a short while S went off and did her own thing at the soft play C still appeared to enjoy her being there. It was during this time that I had a conversation with C's dad where he told me that when asked to describe S, C had said 'She has glasses and blonde hair and she is little. Oh and she has Autism.' I always found it fascinating that a 5 year old could recognise the traits S displays yet a 'trained' paediatrician fails to see it!
S and C have been asking for a playdate since the beginning of term but one thing or another has gotten in the way. On Wednesday I had just been talking to C's mum about whether or not S should go to the school disco the following day, given that when she goes to parties it's usually that she is drawn in by the party food, yet once there she doesn't want to join in. She just wants to sit and watch the others while climbing all over me or running around away from the activity while screeching. I stood waiting to talk to Mrs W after the class left when C's mum popped her head around the corner and said C didn't want to go to the disco and asked would S like to come around for a play. We accepted the lovely offer and both girls were very excited.
S spoke a lot about going to C's she started to ask me what toys she has, which I told her she was best to ask C the next day. The subject of food was bought up and I promised to ask C's mum the next day. The other thing S kept saying was 'I have never been to C's house. How will I know where it is?' To which I had told her it was very near her aunt's house. The next morning the playdate was again the hot topic of discussion  and I constantly reassured her that if she has any questions to ask me and I will try to find an answer and if while at C's house she felt worried she should go tell C's mum and I was only a text away should she need me to come back. As luck would have it I received a text that morning about food and that was sorted and S told the plan. After breakfast S became very excitable crashing into the sofa/ myself/ daddy. When asked to dress she climbed into bed and hid under her covers giggling and once coached out of there she soon retreated into her hide out (a pop up tent full of her favourite fiddly, squeezable, touchy-feely things). Having not slept very well the night before (thanks to CAMHS cancelling her next assessment, new blog on the way for that one) I could feel my tolerance levels reaching their limits. I know full well that this behaviour is how S exhibits anxiety so I decided to tag daddy in and busy myself elsewhere. On the way to school we talked playdate all the way to the gates where the ritual 'Guess who I am' game started (it usually starts a few steps from the house and of course we are guessing dinosaurs). When returning home daddy says he feels S may be worried about the exact location of C's house.

The end of the day comes and both girls leave the class really excited and it takes a bit of gentle and physical persuasion to get S to not follow C to pick her sibling up. We get home and I show S on Google maps where C's house is in relation to her aunts house and explain there will be a for sale sign outside (small things like that can set her anxiety off). She is then allowed to play on first daddy's and then my phone until it is time to leave. We leave the house and S seems quite relaxed. She keeps repeating a few questions 'So we are having the hot dogs like we got from town? I can talk to C's mum if I am worried can't I? She will text you if I need you to come back?' All the while I reassured her that I would stay for a cup of coffee to make sure she is happy and if at any point she wants to go home she can.
We arrive at C's house and ring the bell C answers and right away both girls ran upstairs. S reappears 20 minutes later with a toy she shows me what it does then goes to run off again. I try to get her to come back so I could talk and she shouts from the stairs 'I can hear you from here.' I go to her and tell her I will be popping home for a while and check that is ok, it is of course and I leave. I left feeling confident it would all go well.
When I return to get her from upstairs the children shout 'S doesn't want to go home.' ' Uh oh' I think 'time for battle of the wills'. After promises to come back another day and C to come to our house soon and the promise of a game on my phone we do manage to leave 15 minutes later. The excuses do amuse me though 'I want to watch their invention (C's sibling) ...I'm too tired to walk downstairs...I need to finish my juice...oh no I left piggle upstairs...I am too tired to go look for him...too tired to put my coat/shoes on/ walk to the car.. I wanted to see one more invention.' Whilst S dilly dallied I spoke to C's mum and it would appear that S did really well. She enjoyed tea and decorating biscuits afterwards (even one for me) then happily went off and played upstairs again. As we left there was a little bit of upset with S giving an unwanted kiss to C which lead to a little conversation in the car 'I am a bit sad I made C cry from my kiss, I only wanted to say bye bye.' Which in hindsight makes sense as S is usually only visiting family and enjoys the ritual of hugging and kissing as we leave, yes my child is very affectionate, however she struggles to understand when it's not appropriate to show affection to others. We're teaching her to ask before she hug/kisses but when she is rebuffed she struggles with how to react. I am sure in time we will get there and have told her, of this experience, 'It's ok. C knows you were just trying to be nice. Next time just try to remember C does not like kisses.'

Today S tells me she played with C again which is 2 days running they have played together my baby maybe just maybe has made a friend. :D

Calm after the storm

As I stood in my living room listening to S and her daddy come home from the school run I could never have  guessed what I was about to see and hear. S came bursting through the door with huge smiles all over her face (OK I maybe could have got that bit, it is the last day of half term after all) I quickly noticed the stickers all over her school jumper. It turns out S had had a super day and Daddy had just 'stood listening to everyone talk about S, and how good she has been today.' The room was full of such excitement as I stood and listened to how the supply teacher (ST), teaching assistant (TA) and many children had been talking about what a great day it had been and how S had shared stickers with another child and impressed the ST so much she was going to go home and enjoy a glass of wine!
Stop, rewind to this morning and the smiley faces and positive energy was what I least expected. We had been warned ST would be taking the class today but decided it would be far easier and less stressful to withhold this information from S. We arrived our usual 5 minutes after the other children and knocked on the door, as we stood in the cold waiting for someone to let us in  S peered through the window. 'I can't see Mrs W. HEY who is that? Mummy I don't like the look of that teacher she has a mean face.' I told her then that Mrs W wouldn't be there today but it was OK because the TA is still there. She was just starting to loose composure when the door swings open and there stands the TA 'Good morning S.' Thankfully she went in all smiles for the familiar face.

As I walked home I started to replay the last 6 weeks in my head. 2 days into year 1 S started to refuse to enter her classroom, I would have to lift her through the door and make a swift exit before she followed me. A flash of inspiration had given me the idea to promise a dinosaur toy would accompany me to pick S up IF she went in no fighting, this hasn't stopped working, yet. l was soon told  she hides at the end of playtime and then I was called in by Mrs W one day, to be told that S had refused to do any work that day and had found herself at the head's office. I had gone home after this meeting feeling like this woman had just scolded me. It had felt like she was demanding I get my child in control as 'S needs to do as she is told in school.' I spent the afternoon holding back tears that had erupted from me the moment the girls were in bed. How could I be so useless? How could MY child be the 'naughty' disruptive one? Most importantly what could I do about it? Nothing! That is all I could come up with.
About a week later I was stopped by the SENCO who informed me they were really struggling to cope with S's behaviour, and how it was effecting hers and the other children's learning, 'oh no here we go again!' I had thought. However this time it wasn't a lecture she was telling me what they are about to do to help. They had contacted a behavioural specialist to come in and observe S and also wanted to start twice weekly social classes which I was informed was 'not a quick fix, but a long term support.' Finally! The school were doing SOMETHING more than an IEP. Other experts, I allowed myself to hope, meant a better understanding of S. The weeks trundled on and I noticed that each week a different teacher seem to let the class out, we'll call her Mrs A, on a Wednesday. On these days S was far more unsettled. Then just over a week ago I stood waiting and watching all the other children be let out by Mrs A but no S. I walked slowly over to the door, my stomach in a tight ball and then there she was. All full of life and, what I'd say is best described as hyper. I knew that meant I was just about to hear all about the chaos she had left in her wake. I was right, turns out she had hit Mrs A in the back, for no obvious reason.
The week pushed on and we had one of the worst weekends in a long time. S hit me twice in one day, this is rare S very often lashes out with a venom tongue but other than pushing people away to be struck by S just doesn't happen often. Parents evening loomed and I tied myself up in knots about how it was going to leave me feeling more drained, stressed and anxious than I already was.

Parents evening did not live up to my pessimistic predictions. It actually went very well. Mrs W told us all about how she has structured S's day into 'chunked' learning as she likes to call it. With the use of  'Golden time', which could range from dinosaur play to computer play and anything else that captured S for 5 minutes. S was allocated small chunks of work with the carrot of golden time to keep her motivated dangled in front of her. We also learned that S now has a small companion called fluffy who is kept in a special place in the classroom that S can access whenever she feels she needs him. Fluffy gives cuddles or gets stroked or just sits on S's lap whenever he is needed. S was even allowed to fetch him during assembly time one day and he sat in her lap while she sang along in 'her beautiful little singing voice'.We also learnt a spot is used for carpet times when S feels she can't remember where she should be or needs her space. Her reading is suddenly taking a leap and she has started to overcome her issues with words that do not read easily. She even worked well (with supervision) on a dance routine with another girl and in a classroom activity. We have agreed to meet again to discuss her IEP, and was informed that S's progress is only relevant when Mrs W is present as Mrs A finds her challenging but plans to persevere the one afternoon a week she takes the class to get to know and win S over. Also as S behaved so well on the day the specialist came to visit they had planned for her to go in and observe S on a day Mrs A was teaching (the very next morning as it so happens). With this information it confirmed that S was starting to thrive now she had a settled routine but lapses are expected when changes occur.
What bigger disruption to a child's school day is there than a ST? As surprised as I am it has been lovely to end half term on a high note. With the next stage of assessment by CAMHS and an additional 6 week course of OT next month I am allowing myself to start to feel some optimism that S can continue to improve in the school environment!

Summer Holidays and Back to School

It's been a very long time since my last post. So here is a quick catch up.
During the summer holidays S's dinosaur knowledge has grown rapidly. She has become a walking dinosaur encyclopedia. She can name all the dinosaurs everyone knows, you know the ones T-rex, Triceratops, Stegosaurus, Velociraptor...etc etc but she can also tell you the difference between a T-rex and an Allosaurus, what Triceratops' name means, what a Stegasaurus' plates are for and she'll tell you all about how a velociraptor has feathers. She can also name many more complex dinosaurs and often corrects me on my pronunciation. Words like Pachycephalosaurus and Euoplocephalus are often heard and other new names are added daily. I can just about keep up with her as I know where she  is learning from and can go there to find spellings to pop into google when she wants to know something. What I cannot do now is keep up with all the little facts linked to all the dinosaurs like, just for example, how many toes a triceratops has!

So where has all this come from?
Well you may have seen my blog back in July (All Wrapped up in Dinosaurs). S got up on her birthday and wearing her dinosaur nightie (which is actually a size 14 women's top her Aunt picked up at a car boot) she started unwrapping all those presents. She unwrapped all the dinosaur wrap first and was so happy with everything she got. She was bouncing around and smiling away. We then spent a day at Gulliver's Dinosaur and Farm Park. The weather was beautiful and we ALL had an amazing day. There is so much to see and do there and  for a dino lover like S (and secretly me) it was heaven. It was a so lovely to give her such a perfect birthday. She didn't get why all the other kids were having a party and not her but I know that this day out was definitely best for her (confirmed by her going to two parties in the holiday that she found very hard).
Throughout the rest of the holiday she spent hours playing her dinosaur game on the leapster and going through her dinosaur book finding the dinosaurs she has learnt about on there, asking me questions and watching dinosaur train. All learning at her own pace which seemed to suddenly snow ball.

I had before wondered if dinosaurs was just a 'thing' like all kids have but the turning point for me was at 7.30am on 16th September (just a week after her birthday).S came into my bedroom and said 'Look mummy at this funny dinosaur.' she was flicking through her new dinosaur book, before I even had a chance to respond she started talking again 'oh look a paleontologist..oh and triceratops bones...where is the other triceratops? Ah there he is. Anyway I was looking for Oviraptor.' I had just woken up, had no idea what an Oviraptor was and was a little baffled but took the opportunity to fill the silence and say good morning. For a moment I didn't think I would get a response but she did finally say 'Good morning' without looking up from her book and a split second after 'here is the Oviraptor, he has a short beak and a bendy claw like Troodon and Velociraptor but he has little wings instead of arms.' She waffled non stop for the next 5 minutes and then started the same lecture for her dad and her little sister. 30 minutes later she was still flicking through the book getting excited and reeling off facts. Maybe just maybe this is one of these 'special interests' I have read about not just a childhood fad.

During the holidays we also visited the Natural history museum in London. Which was a very successful trip thanks to the help of two great friends (you know who you are!), lots of prep, ear defenders and plenty of distractions/ comforters. The museum was great and we are going to go back. The dinosaur display was a little difficult as it was so busy. We had to stand in a line that shuffled very slowly past two skeletons up some stairs and over a suspended walkway. Luckily there was plenty to look at and we managed to get across with her shoving through to see a display only once and narrowly missing a woman's face excitedly pointing at another. The moving very lifelike t-rex at the end was worth having to carry an excited 5 year old and once past that she could run around and enjoy the displays at her pace, which was pretty fast. She talked non stop all the way back so she definitely enjoyed it.

Now S is back at school and after 1 week I was beginning to panic. On day 2 of year 1 the fights to get her into the classroom began. After fighting this battle for 5 days trying all the old tactics I was starting to worry, that day I decided to pick S up with a dinosaur to keep her calmer on the way home. Bam it hit me. Bribery...or motivation is a better way to put it. That day we made a deal, S goes into school no fighting, no running away, no refusing to take her bags and then Mummy brings a toy to pick her up. We have only been doing this for 3 days and so far it has worked. I know it will at some point stop working as most things seem to with S, then we will move on find something else that works. Until then I'm going to keep at it and hope it lasts a while and enjoy hearing all about dinosaurs in the morning, evenings and all weekend.

Shopping Fun!

I got some vouchers, for a well known store with a image of being expensive and full of snooty shoppers. I decided I would use said vouchers to get S some much needed new clothes. I know from past experience she is more likely to wear clothes if she gets she choose them. I also knew a shopping trip would be hard work, however I decided preparation, incentives, 1:1 and only having to got to 1 shop could be managed.

I started preparing S a few days before that we would go into town, just the two of us and pick her some new clothes and she could pick what she likes. Friday morning I told her we would go do the clothes shop after lunch, S always copes better when not hungry. I told her that after we had finished she could have an ice cream this seemed to excite her. We left her sister at home with her Daddy and set off for town, with S's playlist of favorite songs playing in the car; Pink, Drowning Pool, Foo fighters, Black Label Society, you know the usual! We got from the car to the shop with very little comotion, a few wobbles over cars in the carpark moving, demands to sit on rides (not that she will let me put money in them) and an ice cream van distracted her a little. I made sure I didn't promise one from that very van just in case they went on a break or something.
As we got to the shop I told her we were going in and that we were going to get clothes and nothing else. I took a deep breath and told myself 'Ignore the snooty looks, you will get them. Just concentrate on keeping S's stress as low as possible.' She didn't like anything in the girls section but as soon as we ventured into boys clothes she was in her element, blues and reds, a dinosaur top, a Thomas hoody. I let her pick clothes she liked and feel them all. She kept running around the rails but always came back when I started to count. Once I found her hiding between 2 rails of clothes and laughed so loudly. The security was watching us so I made a point of asking where the changing rooms were, he got really flustered. I knew changing room would not be easy but I wasn't going to go without trying a few clothes on S as she has a tiny waist usually clothes that fit in the leg are too big around the waist.
In the changing room S blew lots of raspberries, screeched and ended up laying on the floor. We managed to try on 2 tops and two pairs of jeans which I think was a huge victory. We then headed for the tills. There was only about 3 people in front of us but the two women at the tills were working painfully slowly. I was aware I only had about 5 minutes left to get back to the car so would have to stop off for ice cream on the way home. S started asking
'Can we go home?' 
'Yes, as soon as we have paid'. 
'Can we get ice cream from the van?' 
'No baby we'll get it from a shop on way home. Need to get car.' 
'I want it from van'
'We have to get car or mummy will get a ticket.' 
Then she started touching every gift card on a display and screeching. I asked her to stop and then she asked again, 'Can we go home?...Can we get ice cream now? From the Van?' After that she touched the cards again and when asked not to she groaned and then started to sing 'I wanna buy your house. I wanna, I wanna buy your house riiiiiiiiiiiight now.' The woman in front turned and gave a snotty look so I smiled at my daughter and said 'Oh I love you S, you are so funny. Look it's nearly our turn.' Luckily both tills cleared almost right after that. Spying a nice wide space next to our till I told S she could spin there (something she has just started doing again) while I paid, this won me a huge smile from her.
The walk back through town was painful. I was aware I was already late for my parking but could not rush S. I made the mistake of saying 'quickly' once and she just rooted to the spot. I still do not understand why when rushed S just refuses to move but I do know that once she has it takes a lot of persuading to move her again and heaven forbid I should lightly touch her in an attempt to do so. As soon as I heard 'I can't go fast. You carry me.' I knew I had no choice than to pick her up. Now S is almost 5 and of average height she is very slim and doesn't weigh much but neither do I and lugging 1/3 of my body weight along with my large handbag and a bag full of clothes is no easy feat. However if I didn't I would have taken at least 5 minutes to get her walking again. I have to pick my battles and prepare to avoid them in the future (longer on parking next time). As we passed the ice cream van again she started asking for her promised ice cream luckily this once she accepted that I couldn't get a ticket so we'd get an ice cream after the car. Half way to the car I had to put her down and she walked well next to me at a steady, un-rushed pace. The whole time she was talking about her ice cream and I lost track of the amount of times I said 'As soon as we have the car we WILL get an ice cream.' I stayed calm and answered her every time. 
Out of the blue a lady smiled at me and said 'What a lovely mummy you are? You are so lucky to have such a lovely mummy. Be a good girl.' I was totally taken aback by this. Having a child like S who is very loud and often misconceived as 'naughty' I am just not used to compliments on my parenting skills. I'm used to tuts and disapproving looks. I flashed the lady a quick smile and then scooped up, an again wavering S, with just a set of traffic lights between us and the carpark. Typically the lights changed as we got to them. As we waited the lady caught up to us. 'I mean it' she said. 'You really are a lovely mummy. I am always seeing mums that shout, scream and hit their kids.' I thanked her and said 'Shouting gets you nowhere' As the lights changed she again said 'You are such a good mummy and you (to S) are a really good girl.' It really touched me and despite being 10 minutes late back to the car I felt a wash of calm. A ticket free windscreen was a very welcome sight. On the way home I asked S where we should get ice cream and she surprised me by asking if we had rocket ice lollies at home and could we just go home and get one. 
15 minutes later she was eating an ice lolly and pointing out where her daddy had missed while waxing his bike, attention to detail one of S's great talents.