The Love of Dogs

Also posted to Aspie Women Speak on 15th June 2014

Time and time again I read about how much of a positive influence dogs have on those on the Autistic spectrum. There are charities who train service dogs to help make life easier for autistics and their families. A quick google search will lead you to glowing reports of how these dogs can dramatically change the behaviour by reducing bolting and repetitive behaviour and having a  therapeutic calming effect. Service dogs can also make unfamiliar surrounds easier to cope with. However even a typical family dog can have a wonderful effect on the lives of an aspie like me.

Earlier this year I had to make the heartbreaking decision to have my 13.5 year old dog put to sleep. Her poor heart and lungs were failing and surgery could not improve (and in fact risked) her life. She was in a lot of pain and clearly very scared. The days leading up to and after her death I felt grief so intense I feared I would never be happy again. Beatie had come into my life when I was 14 years old. I had no friends in school and spent my lunch breaks hiding in the library. I was desperately lonely and needed a friend. She became my best friend. I remember times when I would walk into the kitchen sit on the floor and sob and she would just climb into my lap and sit with me. She never asked for anything more than love and gave it back unconditionally. She was there through a bad relationship and break up. When I moved out at 21 she came with me. She was the only one there with me when I paced the floor in labour with my first child, she was there through the sleepless nights that followed and the long nights alone while my husband was at work. She was a constant in a world that was always changing and letting me down. To lose that and her did and always will leave a hole.

The timing for losing Beatie could not have been much worse as I was just beginning my assessments for aspergers and I felt that she had understood me without having to use words, something humans just cannot do. I realised I needed dogs in my life but I couldn’t bring myself to replace her and timing was not right to get a puppy. My solution was to look into volunteering at a local animal rescue and specifically work with the dogs. I went to visit the centre and decided to work one day a week. The following week I started my first day and cannot believe how quickly the day passed. I came home caked in mud, stinking of dogs with a huge grin plastered on my face. Being around those dogs and doing my bit for them while they waited to find someone who would love them forever is just what I needed. One dog though stood out and I spent the next 5 weeks desperate to see him again and couldn’t resist saying hello and stroking his ear every time I passed him.

When I first lay eyes on Amos something connected. I couldn’t resist his puppy dog eyes and how he leaned against the bars when I stroked him. Each week I headed to him first to say hello and hated saying goodbye. Now people often say to me ‘Don’t you want to take them all home?’ I can say with certainty that I don’t I think they are all great but I don’t become attached because I feel each dog will find a family right for them. As the weeks went by I became more and more attached to him I kept saying ‘If I could take him home I would, but not sure how he would be with the kids.’ After 5 weeks my husband decided to speak  to the rescue owner about meeting Amos himself and then him meeting the girls. I went into research mode and realised lurchers made great family pets due to their laid back nature and not needing huge long walks. Amos was still young so he would also enjoy playing with the girls. Turns out I was right his meeting with the girls went better than expected and he soon moved in.

11 weeks on and he has become a wonderful companion. I have found his calm, or perhaps lazy nature very settling and enjoy him lying with me in the evening and stroking his soft fur or floppy ears. I have had some really sad days recently and he still hasn’t failed to make me smile with a goofy sleepy face, trying to navigate his lanky legs at high-speed around the garden or just by knowing I found him when we needed each other. He has brought the family together and there is far more laughter in the house. We also go out every day because we have to, before I struggled to get up at weekends and was happy to not battle my daughter (who also has ASD) to get dressed. Being out in the fresh air is great for me and I enjoy walks with just the two of us and actually enjoy talking to other dog walkers, because they just want to talk about dogs and that I can handle. The thing I most enjoy about Amos being in my life is how he shows just how much he loves me without ever having to say so. He jumps up at the window to watch me leave he even cries a little. When I come home his tail is always wagging and he jumps up to greet me. Such simple easy signs that tell me ‘I love you, I am grateful to have you in my life, please don’t leave.’ Many times in my life I have felt so unwanted and rejected and I constantly fear that other people will desert me. Dogs don’t make me feel that way at all they give a companionship that is unconditional and selfless.